A Conversation with Jennifer Knapp – HuffPost 5.19.10
Mike Ragogna: So, you have a new record. What’s it been, like an eight-year hiatus?
Jennifer Knapp: I think I did my last show late 2002, I think in Virginia somewhere. I haven’t played a note since. I pretty much walked off the stage, and that was it for a good long while. I didn’t play even at home or privately for about five years. I was that burned-out.
MR: What was going through your mind on that last night in Virginia?
JK: I was pretty relieved, actually. You go through stages of grief. I basically spent the year knowing that show, in particular, was going to be my last show. What I didn’t know was whether it was going to be the last for all time, or if I was just taking a break. I suppose in our fast-paced world, you kind of have to take a break. At the time, everyone was telling me that the second you say you don’t want to do this anymore, everyone’s going to forget about you and the music you have to offer. I think it’s a bit of a gauntlet to have to run through, but there are plenty of artists that I’ve listened to over the years that really do take massive time between releases, taking time to write and work on songs before they expose them to the public. I think Natalie Merchant is a really great example of this with her long career that she’s had from her early days in 10,000 Maniacs to this new release that she just put out in April–it’s been quite a long time since she last put out a record. So, I think there are a lot of artists that really do take a long time to get to the core of things, and I think art comes from a very intimate place for most people.
The big issue for me was that I just wasn’t getting that time to find out what I really wanted to write and why music was really important to me. I think stepping off the stage at that point was a little bit of a leap of faith. I didn’t know for sure if I just needed to have this time to try and find new inspiration, or if it would ever even come back–perhaps I lost my mojo, and that was the end of it. But just getting back into the process of this new record, I felt refreshed, and I felt I had a couple of things that I really wanted to write about. It was actually a whole other process of figuring out if I was legitimate in coming back to my music, and I was a little bit scared. Was I going to burn out again if I shared this with other people? But it was just a really great process in the discovery of my own art, and what it means to me as a person regardless of whether or not I share that publicly. I think it’s really important for an artist to have time in those quiet places to figure out what it is that’s trying to break free.
MR: Was there a significant moment when you knew you wanted to start creating music again?
JK: A little bit. I’ve been traveling a lot over the last few years, keeping myself quite occupied with going places and building relationships with just normal people and seeing the world. I don’t know. That started to die down, and I was sitting at home, starting to get a little bit depressed, thinking, ‘What am I going to do next? Do I go get a job? Do I go to school? What is it that I do?”…knowing in the back of my mind–being afraid actually–that if I sat down and wrote music, maybe it would be a complete and utter failure, so why would I want to do that? I think for me, it was a little bit picking up my guitar. It was a matter of going through that process, and realizing how much music has been an integral part of my life, and in how I participate in my community and in my own self and self-discovery. I think it was about 2008 when I said to myself, “Man, what are you waiting for? Just write. Don’t worry about everybody else. Don’t worry about thinking that this music is ever going to be heard by anyone else. Just remember that music used to be a really important thing to you and maybe it still is. Why don’t you sit down and start trying to write something? Don’t worry about what it sounds like. Don’t worry about whether the lyrics are going to offend anyone. Just write for yourself.”
I think getting past that hurdle, for me, was pretty significant, and then, as soon as I started to relax a little bit, I started really gravitating back to the community that music creates. These songs were really fun for me to play at home, and I started to get a little fire in my belly, just going, “Man, this is silly to sit here and play this song in your room by yourself. You’re chicken. Go out and see if people are going to respond to this.”
I don’t know. I think music is meant to share. I played it for my friends, and it’s that same original, organic process which led me to recording for the public in the first place. There’s something we can all find in ourselves that we can share with others. I suppose the question is whether or not we’re going to allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough for other people to be able share in it. That process for me was a huge watershed moment in coming back.
MR: So, apparently, all this new creativity also has turned you into quite the “Tweeter.”
JK: (laughs) It’s certainly entertaining and fun to do that. It’s actually really cool for me, kind of a reconnecting with the public. That’s a big part of it, at least. Twitter is a comforting tool…meeting people and chatting and seeing what’s going on with others and kind of coming out of my shell a little bit. It’s entertained me, but it’s also kind of therapeutic.
MR: Katy Perry is your Twitter fan.
JK: Yeah, we have a bit of a history. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Katy. We’ve shared a few conversations over the years, and it’s kind of funny that she remembers me. It’s kind of funny how everyone goes, “You’ll forget me when you’re famous.”
MR: Do you have anything on this new record that’s particularly close to your heart?
JK: I’m kind of weird because I don’t listen to the record much, so my experience of it is in the performance of it. Right now, I’m enjoying “Dive In.” It’s really energetic. I usually start my shows off with it. The song reminds me to kind of step up to the ledge and just jump off. Then I think on the other end of it, there’s another song called “Better Off.” I think that song kind of gives me a sense of peace about the journey I find myself on sometimes, conflicted between trying to please others and please myself. I think that song, in particular, is speaking volumes to me right now. But I’m rather fluid and tend to change, so it might be different tomorrow.
MR: You’ve had a lot of success in the Christian market. Was there a conscious effort to stay a little more Christian in the past than you do on this new record?
JK: I think there’s a couple of ways to look at. Kansas is the first record that I wrote. All the songs on the record were songs that I had written as an anonymous person struggling with their faith. I had just come into Christianity and was using music to kind of wander through that journey in this new kind of framework that I’d found my life in. I had hesitated a long time about signing with a Christian music label, but ended up signing with Gotee. Obviously, that record made an impact far more than I ever thought it would, and I definitely became known as an artist within the Christian music industry.
With a second record, I think you kind of have to move on to a little different brand. You have to step back and look at the broader picture. I was signed with a Christian music company who distributed their records through Christian retailers, Christian bookstores. It’s largely with an eye on creating music for the church, although, I don’t think that’s the case, entirely. I ended up having records sold at Borders, Walmart, Target, major retailers across the planet, too. But from a marketing standpoint, the expectation of the artist within that type of system is that we are people who are sharing our specific faith about Christianity.
I did purposely write this next record without regard to trying or not trying to fit into that marketplace, but rather, just to write a record in and of itself. It’s not for use in a sanctuary in that respect. It’s not trying to necessarily continue on the same conversation with the community of people that share my faith, but it’s a record that moves on–not in the sense of moving away, but more in expanding where and how we talk. Sometimes, I think faith intersects, at least for me, in some of the music. But it’s not particularly branded in the dialogue that was expected of me as a “Christian” artist.
MR: All the expectations people can have once they put you in that category must be maddening too.
JK: It’s understandable. It’s an honorable thing to have an understanding of the conversation that’s required of you in the room and the place that you’re in. That’s something that I always deeply respect, no matter where I’m at. I found myself at one time totally working in a Christian music industry, but also getting opportunities to go and then play places that weren’t necessarily familiar with that same kind of conversation. A lot of state fairs are a really great example of, you know–it’s not a church. The people that are coming there want to come and listen to music. They don’t want to hear you try to convince them of your faith. If it intersects with your art, that’s fine, but this isn’t church, so let’s understand where we’re at. That process is a little frustrating. It’s just interesting because I don’t think everyone lives their entire lives within the walls of their church. They go out, they move places, they go to work, they have jobs. There are all these places that we find ourselves, and faith does intersect in those things, but we don’t always define them that way.
MR: Do you feel that the Christian market is opening up a little more at this point and might it become more embracing and accepting of different themes in the music?
JK: I haven’t participated as a performer in the Christian music industry for quite some time. I’m playing largely pubs and clubs and theaters and such. I think, from an audience standpoint, the people that come to my shows have related to the music about my faith, but are also just as willing to move on with things that aren’t necessarily specifically about my faith. From what I’ve seen and experienced in conversations with people on the street who have long gotten their music from Christian music bookstores, I suppose people are just trying to figure out how to integrate their faith into their lives. Obviously, the revelations that I’ve expressed caused quite a bit of controversy and disappointment.
At the same time, there’s been an outpouring from just regular people who are finding themselves identifying with my journey and are having to contend with that. There are plenty of people who listen to Christian music that don’t necessarily try to define their lives solely by their faith. Music tends to be a reflection of who we are and what we want and what we question. It would only seem logical to me that it begins to express itself more openly.
As far as the attitude from the people who are actually participating in that community, defining the rules and social standards for people they want to be getting their music from–that’s up to them. So, your question is the same question I have. I wonder what’s going to happen. I wonder how people are going to respond. I wonder if people are going to include me just as much at the end of the day. I realize that the record that I made isn’t one that’s going to be sold at Christian bookstores. I knew that going into it. It’s a real question whether or not people who bought the other records are capable of being in those environments. I’m really curious.
MR: Based on what you said, what do you advise kids who are getting into music right now and interested in the Christian market, in particular?
JK: That’s a good question. People are always asking, “How do I make it?” My answer is relatively stock, and it hasn’t changed throughout the course of my experience with music, either within the church or outside of it. I think, as an artist, you have to find the things that you want to communicate and then be excellent at that craft. To me, art is a sacred place. I think there’s a lot of vulnerability when we begin to speak about the secrets of ourselves, and what music does is reveal that secret. That’s pretty much the end of it, really. I think that whatever you do as an artist, you should be participating in your craft, and try to be as honest to that craft as you possibly can. And if that leads you to the church, then so be it. Be faithful to that particular avenue that you aspire to. I really hesitate to ever lock anyone into a particular box of how or where they should pursue their heart’s craft. At the end of the day, most of the people I ever meet that play are anonymous…people that have never been heard. I got half-a-dozen records from my show last night given to me by people that I’ve never heard of. They’re just guys that need to play, want to play, want to express themselves, and I think that’s one of the most beautiful things on the planet. Where and when you do that, you’ll find your audience if you continue.