A Conversation with Tom Ruprecht – HuffPost 9.4.13

Mike Ragogna: Tom, why’d you have to go and pick on poor Salinger? Hasn’t he been through enough??

Tom Ruprecht: I’m an enormous Salinger fan. My book is just a silly look at a lifestyle that was, you gotta grant me, bananas.

MR: Come on, admit it. There was bromance potential here, wasn’t there.

TR: J.D. was 50 years older than me, so I don’t know if we’d have been bros. But 50 years was about the average age difference with most of his girlfriends, so I’m sure if I’d been a gal, we could’ve made something happen.

MR: If the bromance didn’t work out and you had to break up with him, how would you do it and what would the reason have been?

TR: Salinger dumped one woman by leaving a plane ticket for her on the kitchen table. I think I’d do something equally cowardly, but since I don’t have Catcher in the Rye money, it’d be even cheaper. A bus ticket…or subway token.

MR: Which of your boyfriend’s works did you most admire?

TR: I think “A Perfect Day for Bananafish” and “For Esmé with Love and Squalor” are two of the greatest short stories ever written.

MR: Out of all of his writings, which character do you relate to the most and why and do you feel Salinger could have fleshed out the character better if he’d based it more on you?

TR: Like every confused high school kid, I related to Holden Caulfield. And yes, if Salinger had made Holden like me, perhaps the book would’ve been a success instead of the unmitigated disaster it was.

MR: Okay, let’s pretend you never had a bromance with Salinger and he met you after reading your book, how hard would he slap your face?

TR: Again, I had 50 years on him. If he wanted to fight, I’d say, “Bring it on, Grandpa!”

MR: Let’s pretend he liked your book. Okay, forget that. At what point did you decide to write this book?

TR: Hold on. Salinger loved my book. (The great thing about writing a fake oral history is you can put whatever words you want in people’s mouths.)

“Tom Ruprecht has written the funniest, most thought-provoking book I’ve ever read. I loved it!”–J.D. Salinger.

MR: Who influenced you creatively beyond J.D. Salinger?

TR: David Foster Wallace. I also think Will Ferrell is tremendous.

MR: Given you had such a man crush on him, try not to use every superlative ever in your answer, but what kind of mark do you think Salinger left on culture?

TR: Look, I’ve never had a crush on J.D. Salinger. My lone crush and the woman I pine for still is the babe in Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher” video.

MR: Yeah, right. Who’s your next target, I mean victim, I mean subject for a book?

TR: I’ve written a 600-page book about the babe in Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher” video…it’s more of a manifesto, really.

MR: What don’t we know about you that would make a reader love you equal to or more than Salinger?

TR: I helped make this…the child, not the ladybug costume.

MR: What advice do you have for new or budding writers?

TR: As long as your cover has a slick photo of keys or cufflinks or something else evocative of 50 Shades of Gray, presto, your book will be published and heavily marketed. Congrats!

MR: Seriously, did you feel the loss when he died?

TR: The guy was 91. It’s not like we were blindsided.

MR: Fine. Anyone, in your opinion, come close to or carries on the tradition of his writing style?

TR: Like Salinger, David Mitchell does an amazing job of capturing adolescence in his novelBlack Swan Green. Wonderful book.

MR: Any prediction on how Salinger’s works will be treated or thought of in future generations?

TR: Dude, once Google Glass perfects pornography, ain’t nobody gonna be reading books no more.