A Conversation with Eleni Mandell – HuffPost 7.16.12

Mike Ragogna: Hi Eleni, your new album is titled I Can See The Future. So what do you see?

Eleni Mandell: Well, despite my melancholy exterior, I’ve always actually believed deep inside that everything would turn out okay. That song was sort of a message to myself that things would work out; I would fall in love again. I had just gone through a break-up, I felt like my last record was a failure, my band that I really loved seemed to have dissipated… But I had to believe things would turn out in the end. The funny thing is, now I don’t try to see the future anymore. I used to always think ahead, to my detriment. Now I’m really living in the present and it’s quite a relief. But back to your simple question: I see sunshine and rainbows!

MR: (laughs) Okay, you’ve been wanting a family for a while but decided to have a your own child instead. And you had twins! What brought you to this decision?

EM: I’ve always known that I wanted to have a family and I actually always thought, “If I have to do it on my own, I will.” Perhaps it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. In a way, it wasn’t a decision at all, I really could not be stopped from my mission to become a mother despite all the reasons not to do it on my own. I was actually in a relationship when I started choosing sperm donors because my boyfriend did not want children. He and I broke up but he was my “birth partner” and is on tour with me now as my nanny. He loves my kids and they love him. Despite my determination, I went through a lot of sorrow and grief. I felt like a loser, that something was wrong with me that I always chose the wrong guys, that nobody wanted to marry me. I had a lot of judgments about the kind of women that “had” to do what I did. It was interesting to face that and come to terms with it and then feel completely differently. I’m really proud of my decision now. I’m actually proud to be a single mom. I always tell people that it must be easier than being married because I’m having such a blast.

MR: Did you consider adoption?

EM: Yes, I did consider adoption and had started preparing my home for a “home study.” I met with a single mom who adopted. I got big packets from different agencies, and I started writing my “birth mother letter.” In the end, I felt that I was a hard sell to birth mothers: a single musician. More importantly, I really wanted the experience of being pregnant, and I loved being pregnant even though I ended up with pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes. I think my family was pretty concerned for my health, especially when they saw my feet. But I loved it.

MR: Was their any challenge in having a sperm donor versus a friend to help you become pregnant, and can you give me some background into the story?

EM: I had two friends who offered to donate their sperm and be a friendly part of the child’s life. I thought it would be a great gift to my kids for them to know they had a father out there. I read a book called “Knock Yourself Up,” and it explained some of the complications of using a friend as a donor. One of my friends also had health complications that derailed our attempt. I even did “try” with another
friend. It was one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever done and I thought despite how awkward it was for both of us, that it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me.

Eventually, I decided that a sperm donor from a reputable sperm bank was the way to go. Still, it was incredibly difficult to decide. My first choice was a guy that sounded–I could purchase audio interviews–very kind, touchy feely; he said all the right things but suddenly they took him off their site and I had run out. It took me many attempts: 5 IVFs. So, I went with my second choice who was actually my mother’s first choice. His description was “Astro Physics Phd; likes Classic Rock; plays the violin,” etc. His audio didn’t have all the warmth of the other Donor, but it turns out that he’s the best donor ever. My kids are the best! And they have really long eyelashes.

MR: How is being a parent going to change your life as musician?

EM: Right now, I’m in a motel in Flagstaff, Arizona, heading for the first show of my tour, in Philadelphia. They’re not keeping me from playing music at all. But I don’t get to go out all the time and I don’t get to date the wrong men anymore. I suppose that could affect the songwriting, but I’m ok with that.

MR: (laughs) Who is playing on this album?

EM: My longtime bass player, Ryan Feves, and my fairly longtime guitar player, Jeremy Drake, and a friend who played with me years ago, Woody Jackson, played some guitar, too. Members of my other band, The Living Sisters, sang back up vocals: Inara George, Becky Stark, Alex Lilly. Then a lot of amazing people who I’d never worked with but admired: Joey Waronker on drums, Zac Rae on Keyboards, Greg Leisz on pedal steel, and Benji Hughes sang on a couple of songs. Mike Daly, Penelope Fortier also sang some backing vocals. And, of course, the esteemed Joe Chiccarelli produced.

MR: Eleni, please can you give the back story of “Never Have To Fall In Love Again,” your duet with Benji Hughes? Do you actually feel like you never have to fall in love again, and if so, what do you do if you do?

EM: I’ve noticed that it’s painful for me to stop loving someone in the way that you do when you’re in a relationship with them. The transition is very uncomfortable for me. I was arguing with my last boyfriend–the one that didn’t want kids–trying to explain to him all the reasons we should be together…never do this if you can help it. He could not be convinced. The nerve! I thought it was so sad that I would have to fall out of love with him. The song is a message to him: Don’t make me do it!

Benji is a good friend and I’m a huge fan of his music. I always want to sing old country songs with Benji, like Tammy Wynette and George Jones, so it was perfect that he sings on the most country song on the record. I would like to fall in love again. I actually don’t feel like I have to, but I’d certainly like to.

MR: Do you consider you’re lucky, as “I’m Lucky” might suggest?

EM: I felt extremely unlucky when I wrote that song. I was in a very dark place. I think by writing it I was trying to convince myself, give myself a talking to, look at my life in a different way. Depending on the tone I use when singing it, it can either come off as ironic or sincere. Now when I sing it, I do truly feel lucky. I have spent plenty of time feeling sorry for myself but I don’t anymore. If you meet my kids, you’ll understand.

MR: Can you go into another song’s story, your choice?

EM: There are a few songs on the record that reflect on past relationships that didn’t work out. One of them is (about) a commercial fisherman. He doesn’t use the internet, his cell phone numbers are often disconnected…I hadn’t seen or heard from him in 10 years when he appeared at one of my shows in Portland three years ago. He’s such a strange and unique man-child but I was so happy to see him and so happy he was alive and well. The song “Crooked Man” is about him–his nose is very crooked–and about how we were together; he drove me nuts, in a bad way, but we had a weird chemistry. It didn’t make sense. I really appreciate knowing all these characters. I may not have chosen the most appropriate men to date but they’re all really interesting.

MR: Was it hard writing and recording an album while pregnant?

EM: I wrote most of the songs while I was trying to get pregnant. It was the
hardest time of my life. Music has always been therapeutic for me so I think it probably kept me going during that time. It was difficult to record the record while pregnant. We had to wait for Joey Waronker to become available, and so I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with twins when we started the bulk of the record. It is not easy to sing at 190 pounds! Inara George told me that my voice was lower. We actually had to finish when my kids were about 8 months old. I’m glad we waited because I don’t know if that lower voice was my best sound.

MR: In your video “Magic Summertime,” your ex-boyfriend appears as the
male lead. I imagine this was cathartic in some way?

EM: Yes, it was cathartic. Charlie and I really did have to break up. We were at different places in our lives. But it was just heartbreaking and it drove me crazy that we couldn’t be best friends right afterwards like we had said we’d be. He got a new girlfriend and I had a new boyfriend; he just wasn’t ready to be pals. Making the video was the first time that I got to really hang out with him again and it made me so happy. I really enjoy his company; he’s damn funny and handsome and such a good sport to dance around with me and jump in a freezing cold pool with!

MR: Does your song “A Possibility” also suggest that your path to have a child without a partner might be an option for others?

EM: I think that song is more about staying hopeful about life and love in the face of disappointment. I definitely think that having children without a partner is an option for anyone who is in the right place in their life to do it. I highly recommend it.

MR: Your past material was somewhat seductive. Does I Can See The Future suggest a new direction for both your life and future projects?

EM: I feel so differently about life now. I feel happy everyday. I could never have said that before I had my kids. This change in outlook is certain to affect my future projects. I look forward to the challenge, but being sad and disappointed all the time is exhausting. Luckily, I’m still quite the underdog so my songwriting shouldn’t suffer too much.

MR: What advice would you have for those who want to pursue this path?

EM: The path of being a single mom or the path of being a musician? They’re actually very similar. You have to have unending determination.

MR: Cool. Actually, it was a question about both, but what advice do you have for new artists specifically?

EM: Only do it if you have to. It can be so difficult and so heartbreaking but the rewards make it all worth it.

MR: Excited about the tour and where will it take you?

EM: I am really excited about the tour. I love seeing the wide-open spaces of our beautiful country and meeting different people who I would never meet. Yesterday, I gave my record to the 16-year-old girl working at a tiny Mexican restaurant in Needles, California. I loved hearing about what her life was like in that little town and getting to share my music with her. She warned me that she mostly listens to hip-hop, but maybe I’ll convert her.

MR: Any other words of wisdom?

EM: I never feel articulate enough or wise…so I’ll stop here. The babies are bouncing off these motel walls. We’ve got to hit the road before it gets too hot! Thank you.

 

Transcribed by Angie Carlson